counselling psychotherapy

Self-Worth

Don’t Be So Hard on Yourself by Jess Glynne [Video]

Jess Glynne Don't Be So Hard On YourselfLoving the lyrics in this soulful house tune by Jess Glynne.

It has themes of belonging, authenticity, rediscovering the true self, forgiveness, letting go, moving through the darkness and being kind to yourself.

This is Music Therapy at its best! Listening to the song is a good practice for quieting the inner critic.

 

Don’t Be So Hard on Yourself by Jess Glynne

I came here with a broken heart that no one else could see
I drew a smile on my face to paper over me
The wounds heal and tears dry and cracks they don’t show
So don’t be so hard on yourself, no

Let’s go back to simplicity
I feel like I’ve been missing me
Was not who I’m supposed to be
I felt this darkness over me
We all get there eventually
I never knew where I belonged
But I was right and you were wrong
Been telling myself all along

Don’t be so hard on yourself, no
Learn to forgive, learn to let go
Everyone trips, everyone falls
So don’t be so hard on yourself, no
‘Cause I’m just tired of marching on my own
Kind of frail, I feel it in my bones
Oh let my heart, my heart turn into stone
So don’t be so hard on yourself, no

I’m standin’ on top of the world, right where I wanna be
So how can this dark cloud keep raining over me
But hearts break and hells a place that everyone knows
So don’t be so hard on yourself, no

Let’s go back to simplicity
I feel like I’ve been missing me
Was not who I’m supposed to be
I felt this darkness over me
We all get there eventually
I never knew where I belonged
But I was right and you were wrong
Been telling myself all along

Don’t be so hard on yourself, no
Learn to forgive, learn to let go
Everyone trips, everyone falls
So don’t be so hard on yourself, no
‘Cause I’m just tired of marching on my own
Kind of frail, I feel it in my bones
Oh let my heart, my heart turn into stone
So don’t be so hard on yourself, no

Oh, oh, oh, I
I learned to wave goodbye
How not to see my life
Through someone else’s eyes
It’s not an easy road
But now I’m not alone
So I, I won’t be so hard on myself no more

Don’t be so hard on yourself, no
Learn to forgive, learn to let go
Everyone trips, everyone falls
So don’t be so hard on yourself, no
‘Cause I’m just tired of marching on my own
Kind of frail, I feel it in my bones
Oh let my heart, my heart turn into stone
So don’t be so hard on yourself, no

‘Cause I’m just tired of marching on my own
Kind of frail, I feel it in my bones
Oh let my heart, my heart turn into stone
So don’t be so hard on yourself, no

Songwriters
Kohn, Ben / Hector, Wayne Anthony / Kelleher, Pete / Barnes, Tom / Glynne, Jessica

About Jodie

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Sydney Soul-Centred Psychotherapist, Therapeutic Counsellor, Eating Psychology and Life-Coach, Jodie Gale, is a leading specialist in women’s emotional, psychological and spiritual health and well-being. Over the last 15 years, Jodie has helped 100s of women to transform their lives. She has a private counselling, life-coaching and psychotherapy practice in Manly and Allambie Heights on the Northern Beaches of Sydney.  Jodie is passionate about putting the soul back into therapy!

Beautiful Girl: Celebrating the Wonders of Your Body by Dr. Christiane Northrup

Beautiful Girl Celebrating the Wonders of Your BodyThe body is the temple for your soul

This delightful book is a must for all little girls!

“For years Christiane Northrup, M.D., has taught women about health, wellness, and the miracle of their bodies. Now, in her first children’s book, she presents her wonderful wisdom to the youngest of girls.

Beautiful Girl presents this simple but important message: that to be born a girl is a very special thing and carries with it magical gifts and powers that must be recognized and nurtured. Through these empowering words and illustrations, little girls will learn how their bodies are perfect just the way they are, the importance of treating themselves with gentle care, and how changes are just a part of growing up. Dr. Christiane Northrup believes that reading and discussing this book with your girls will help them to value the wonder and uniqueness of their bodies and have positive benefits that will last throughout their lives (Hay House). ”

Let me help you Transform Your Relationship With Food, Body & Soul™. Book your sessions here!

About Jodie

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Sydney counsellor, soul-centred life-coach and psychotherapist Jodie Gale, is a leading specialist in women’s emotional, psychological and spiritual health and well-being. She has a private counselling, life-coaching and psychotherapy practice in Manly and Allambie Heights on the Northern Beaches of Sydney.

Sign Up to Jodie’s Latest News & Events

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Money – 7 Top Tips from Suze Orman for Managing Your Money

moneysoIn my article last week: Money – What’s it got to do with our inner life? I wrote about how money dilemmas are often symptoms of deeper underlying emotional, psychological and spiritual crises.

Alongside providing financial advise, Suze Orman recommends building inner security, self worth and making the most of what we already have!

In this post, I am sharing 7 of her top tips for managing your money:

1. Track your spending and take a snapshot of your finances

Suze’s Says: Only when you have everything in front of you can you set priorities about what to do next.

This means it is time to get real and take an honest look at your finances by firstly calculating your net worth.

Track not only the big expenses like debt, mortgage, car and household bills but also your smaller spending such as alcohol, lunches, coffees and magazines.

Once you have done this you can create an average monthly expense sheet and get honest about where your money is going.

There are some great apps to help you or you can track your spending and create a budget/ finance management system the old fashion way with printables .

2. Cultivate self-discipline

This is about untangling your wants from your needs.

Suze Says: Pull out your three most recent bank and credit card statements, circle every charge or debit that is not a necessity, and ask yourself, “Can I eliminate this cost entirely?” If not, can you scale it back 30 to 50 percent? Every time you cut expenses, you can put the money toward your bigger goals.

3. Adopt a fool proof credit card strategy

Whilst the housing and stock markets are out of your control, your credit card debt is within your control. Pay off the card with the highest interest first and always pay more than the minimum payment if you can.

Suze Says: Make this the year you tackle that credit card debt once and for all. Doing so will make you and your family stronger and happier—forever… Every time you pay off a card with a high percent interest rate, you get a high percent return on your money.

4. Pay as you go

Only spend money you have by using cash or a debit card, rather than a credit card.

Suze Says: That’s smarter than using a credit card!

5. Find hidden savings

There are plenty of comparison sites out there so shop around for better deals on your mortgage, insurance, electricity, phone and internet packages.

Suze Says: You’re nuts if you don’t comparison shop..You could save around 10% or more!

6. Build financial security by saving an emergency fund

Financial emergencies such as an unexpected redundancy or home, car and medical expenses can arise at any time!  It is important you have an emergency fund to help you through tough times.

Suze Says: Keep saving until you have at least eight months’ worth of living expenses to keep as an emergency fund.

7. Save for your future

Suze Says: What is it you want in retirement? Whatever that may be, you can no longer count on the government or social security – you must take responsibility for your own future.

Things are a bit different in the US so instead of Suze’s 401k advice, check out this Australian superannuation advice from David Koch and two of the best financial experts in the business Daryl Dixon and Trish Power.

 

References

Suze Orman on Oprah.com

Want more great resources on money? Check out my Wealth, Finances & Money Pinterest page.

About Jodie

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Sydney counsellor, soul-centred life-coach and psychotherapist Jodie Gale, is a leading specialist in women’s emotional, psychological and spiritual health and well-being. She has a private counselling, life-coaching and psychotherapy practice in Manly and Allambie Heights on the Northern Beaches of Sydney.

Sign up here for some SOUL in your inbox (aka. latest news, blogs and workshops). 

 

Money – What’s It Got To Do With Our Inner Life?

MoneyClass_PBWith the recent Commission of Audit Report suggesting tough action because we are living beyond our means, the budget’s reflection of this and its subsequent domination in the news and social media over the last week or so – it seems only fitting to blog about money and how we can take responsibility for our personal finances in tough times.

My go-to money guru is one of Forbes top 10 most influential celebrities, personal finance advisor, author, TV host and motivational speaker – Suze Orman – AKA the Money Lady.

Prior to earning her Money Lady title, she was a penniless waitress and struggled through her own financial crisis,

‘I lost everything and I was lying through my teeth and I didn’t let anybody know about it. It wasn’t until I stood in my truth and told everybody that I had $250,000 in credit card debt that everything turned around for me…‘ (Suze Orman).

Living in denial and neglecting to get real about our financial state of affairs is a major problem.

‘A survey published last year by financial internet portal artog.com found more than a quarter of Australians have four or more credit cards and almost half did not know what the interest rate was.’

‘A new study from Veda Advantage shows over two million Australians are struggling to repay debts.’

‘In another recent study, less than 25 percent of women feel they are “very well prepared” to handle financial matters.’

Suze has many tips for getting out of debt, managing and saving money but she suggests that money problems are only symptoms of deeper underlying emotional, psychological and spiritual crises.

This is certainly reflected in some of our modern day money dilemmas:

  • Shopping addictions and impulsive/ overspending on things we can’t really afford
  • Debt spiralling out of control due to credit card over use and addictions (e.g. drinking and gambling)
  • Being too restrictive and stingy with money; often a reflection of being restrictive and stingy with ourselves in other areas of life
  • Putting money and things before people and relationships
  • Confusing money with esteem, worth and power
  • Using money and things to fill deeper underlying emptiness or our longing for love, security, freedom etc.

According to Orman, it largely comes down to inner security, self-worth and making the most of what we already have:

Money does not make you powerful or powerless. We all have a choice about how we relate to money. Feeling empowered comes from a solid sense of self and an inner security. We spend more than when we feel less than. I began watching how I was using money and how I was feeling when I made money choices. When I learned to give myself—and my money—the love and respect we both deserved, I felt as if a huge weight had been lifted. I was no longer racing to keep up; I was so happy being right where I was. Being me. I stopped spending money I didn’t have and started living within my means. I had found my power. I was clear on who I was, what I wanted, and what I thought. No more letting the external world define me—I defined me. And it was only when that happened that I was able to dig out of debt and build the lasting net worth I now have.

If you have credit card debt and no savings, and you feel miserable, don’t attribute your woes to not having enough money; instead see the lessons your money is trying to teach you. Is it possible you have yet to find your self-worth?

When I sit down to help someone with their financial life, what we always end up focusing on is their interior life. There are no money problems. There are people problems. Success is not how many zeroes your bank account has. It’s about making the most of the life you have.

To feel secure and empowered, Suze recommends cultivating the following 8 qualities:

Harmony

Balance

Courage

Generosity

Happiness

Wisdom

Cleanliness and

Beauty

Some other qualities I would also add are:

Abundance

Generosity of Spirit and

Gratitude

If you need some help cultivating these spiritual qualities, try this Evocative Word Exercise.

You can also find some great resources on my Wealth, Finances & Money Pinterest page.

Part 2: Money – 7 Top Tips from Suze Orman for Managing Your Money.

About Jodie

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Sydney counsellor, soul-centred life-coach and psychotherapist Jodie Gale, is a leading specialist in women’s emotional, psychological and spiritual health and well-being. She has a private counselling, life-coaching and psychotherapy practice in Manly and Allambie Heights on the Northern Beaches of Sydney.

Sign Up to Jodie’s Latest News & Events

Click for Newsletter :)

Therapy Rocks! Why invest in therapy? …Because you’re worth it! (Part 2)

Because you're worth it turquoiseWhat stops you from investing in your emotional, psychological and spiritual health and well-being?

Here are some common mindsets that might be holding you back:

I must be sick, diseased, broken or just plain crazy if I need therapy

All sorts of people come to therapy with all sorts of problems. Many also come, not because they feel there is something wrong, but because they want to get to know themselves better, to ponder the meaning of life or to unleash their creative and authentic selves. As a society, we need to change the way we think and talk about therapy. Ultimately, therapy is a creative process whereby you will learn how to build a healthy relationship with self and others.

Why should I be the one to do all the work once again?

How are you neglecting, re-wounding or punishing yourself by staying stuck in anger or pain? Investing in therapy and taking responsibility for where you are in the present moment does not let whoever hurt or abused you off the hook; it lets you off the hook. Therapy can help you to move forward with your life regardless of your history.

I have tried therapy before and it didn’t work

Perhaps try again with a different therapist and / or a different style of therapy. When I choose a therapist, I always go with my gut – never by location, cost or whether a rebate is available. Good therapy is worth its weight in gold and many people travel to the other side of town for the right therapist. It is perfectly acceptable to interview a few therapists before making a decision. Also, therapy takes a commitment in relation to time, money and relationship with self – so the timing needs to be right! If you are unhappy at any stage with your therapist, it is worth sharing your feelings so that you and the therapist can work through it together.

What’s the point? I am beyond help

Somewhere you have learnt that you are not worth it.

When we are struggling with toxic shame, low self-worth and a sense of feeling flawed at the core, it is difficult to see that we are indeed worth investing in ourselves. It’s important that we don’t believe everything we think! It could be one of our subpersonalities such as the ‘inner critic’ or the ‘internal saboteur’.

You are worth it and the point is you. Therapy can help you to realise this.

Therapy takes too long

Clients report feeling better at the end of the first session, are making healthy lifestyle changes after just a few sessions and many see a significant difference in their lives within three to six months. Yes…it is rare that long-term healing occurs within the limited number of sessions provided by Medicare. Yes, therapy does take time, money and commitment. But…what is the alternative?

Try reflecting on these important questions:

  • How long have you been suffering?
  • How is the way that you are currently dealing with your suffering working for you?
  • If things stay as they are, how will you feel this time next year?
  • How would you like your life to be by this time next year?

It is tempting to go for a quick fix solution. There isn’t one. How long you will be in therapy is ultimately up to you but healing takes time. Allow yourself the time to heal – you’re worth it!

Therapists charge too much

Psychotherapists and counsellors with rigorous training are highly skilled professionals. They often train longer than lawyers, doctors and dentists. To maintain a high level of psychological safety for their clients, psychotherapists often invest in their own weekly psychotherapy as well as a period of group therapy. They are required to participate in at least 20 hours of continued professional development a year as well as monthly clinical supervision. Therapists also pay for association registration, insurance, room overheads, marketing and website development. Rarely do therapists overcharge for their time and in fact, they are one of the only professions to offer a sliding fee scale!

I can’t afford therapy because I can’t get the Medicare rebate with my counsellor or psychotherapist of choice

The Medicare rebate is currently at around $85 in Australia. The fee for Medicare providers is around $150-$200; therefore the out of pocket cost is anywhere between $65- $115. The average counselling / psychotherapy fee with a non-Medicare provider is between $75-$130 so it works out much of a muchness. One problem with relying on a Medicare rebate is that the limited number of sessions provided are rarely enough and this can result in revolving door syndrome or therapist hopping. See Why pay out of pocket? for more reasons why paying privately is conducive to your emotional, psychological and spiritual health and well-being.

I can’t afford therapy

Many of us spend hundreds of dollars each week trying to boost our esteem, pleasure seeking, wasting money, being overly restrictive with money to save for the future and by soothing our unbearable feelings, dependencies and addictions. But at what cost?

How much money ($AU) are you wasting that you could be investing in your well-being?

  • Taking a gram of coke = approx. $300.
  • Drinking a bottle of bubbly/wine a night = approx.  $70 a week.
  • Smoking a packet of ciggies a day = $105 a week.
  • Gambling on the pokies = $$$.
  • A night of binge drinking $100-$300.
  • Bingeing on food and overeating at meals = $$$.
  • Buying takeaways = approx. $140 a week.
  • Joining diet clubs over and over again and purchasing their weekly menu = $120-$150 a week.
  • A gym membership that is excessively used or never used = $30 a week.
  • A shopping spree = $$$ on new clothes, often left unworn.
  • Working excessive hours, in a job you hate, neglecting the family to earn more $$$ that you then spend trying to make your family happy.
  • Buying stuff, stuff and more stuff for the kids thinking it will make them happy or because you feel guilty.
  • $$$ on anti-ageing, make-up or plastic surgery because you are not happy with your appearance.
  • $$$ on medication because you are sick all the time.
  • Expensive holidays  – only to spend the whole holiday sick because you are so run down.
  • Expensive health retreats that you are not able to integrate and follow through with on your return.

Are any of the above costing your emotional, psychological and spiritual health and wellbeing?

I really can’t afford therapy

Unfortunately, many counselling and psychotherapy services are currently not provided for, as they should be, by government mental health plans.

There are some other options available:

  • Ask your therapist of choice if they have a sliding fee scale
  • Ask work if they have an Employee Assistance Program
  • Ring around counselling and psychotherapy training organisations for reduced fee or free therapy. Choose a training organisation where their students must participate in a significant amount of their own therapy.
  • There are numerous help lines that offer free telephone counselling for crises e.g. Rape Crisis, Lifeline and Financial counselling
  • Join group therapy – approximately $50-$100 a group
  • Join a self-help group – many organisations such as eating disorder foundations run groups at little or no cost.
  • Join a 12 step program – there are groups for gambling, sex addiction, narcotics, alcohol, children of alcoholics, overeating and co-dependency. Often this requires a minimal donation to go towards tea and coffee.
  • Join a self-development workshop through a local community college – they cover everything from building self-esteem, how to manage money to creating emotional intelligence
  • Build self-worth through self-help. Borrow or buy self-help books, watch some TED talks/YouTube clips or listen to podcasts – there are 1000s available free of charge.
  • Boost your well-being by taking care of diet and exercise regularly to boost the ‘feel good’ hormones in the brain.
  • Ask for a raise, work towards a promotion at work or upgrade to a job that mirrors and affirms your worth.

The cost of ignoring the call of the Self

The Self calls us towards our innate wholeness in mysterious ways; symptoms, health breakdowns, life-crises or perhaps through a peak spiritual awakening. The more we ignore the call, the louder the knocking becomes. It pays to invest in our emotional, psychological and spiritual health and well-being before crisis comes a knocking!

I am a therapist – how can I pay it forward and invest in my community?

In line with National Psychotherapy Day, here are a few ways you can pay it forward:

  • Offer a couple of sessions a week at sliding scale for those experiencing genuine financial difficulty. This can be done as a percentage of the client’s wage or at a standard low-cost fee.
  • Give a free talk to your community about emotional health and well-being or a topic that speaks to your area e.g. Coping with depression in the outback.
  • Volunteer one counselling session a week, or a block of sessions to your local community centre or to a local  NGO.
  • Join the NPD facebook page – there are loads of suggestions on how to give back to your community.

This blog is part of my Therapy Rocks! series.

About Jodie

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Sydney Soul-Centred Psychotherapist, Therapeutic Counsellor & Life-Coach, Jodie Gale, is a leading specialist in women’s emotional, psychological and spiritual health and well-being. Over the last 15 years, Jodie has helped 100s of women to transform their lives. She has a private counselling, life-coaching and psychotherapy practice in Manly and Allambie Heights on the Northern Beaches of Sydney.

Jodie is passionate about putting the soul back into therapy!

How We See Ourselves [ Marion Woodman Video ]

 

Marion Woodman

How We See Ourselves [ Marion Woodman Video ]

This blog post is part of my Therapy Rocks! series.

In the below YouTube clip, Jungian analyst, Marion Woodman talks to us about how we see ourselves and how this determines what happens in our lives.

One of the biggest catastrophes in life is to not see ourselves as we truly are. When we don’t know our true nature, it is the cause of much suffering.

Anxiety, addiction, depression, eating disorders and relationship problems are just some of the concerns that are a consequence of poor self-worth and a lack of unconditional love for ourselves.

In order to get our physical, love and worth needs met, we have often been identified for many years with our false or adaptive self and subpersonalities. Whilst these identifications have served us in many ways (by helping us to survive early childhood neglect or trauma), there comes a time where living from this place becomes limiting to our ongoing emotional, psychological and spiritual health and well-being. How we see ourselves becomes our daily reality.

Throughout the psychotherapy process, we gradually let go of the false self and integrate our subpersonalities by internalising the empathic, unconditional, altruistic love that we experience from the therapist. In relationship, we work through our conflicts which are often centred around, ‘longing to love and be loved, while being afraid to love and dreading being unlovable’ (Benson 2002).

The relationship between therapist and client teaches us to see ourselves in an empathic, accepting, kind and loving way. It is a cliché, but when we come to truly love ourselves, to realise we are more than ‘good enough’, we no longer need to use ‘something out there’ to mirror to us just how ‘bad’ or ‘not good enough’ we are. We can start to choose that which is healthy, worthy and good for us.

In The Therapeutic Alliance, Kobie & Pieter write that ‘current research in psychotherapy has shown unequivocally that what clinicians do in psychotherapy is effective on a neurobiological level (Furmark et al., 2002; Goldapple et al., 2004; Kandel, Schwartz, Jessell, Siegelbaum, & Hudspeth, 2013).” It is therefore the experience of the empathic, therapeutic relationship that is the key to providing long-term change.

Psychotherapy is a sacred space where through the therapeutic relationship, we can awaken to our intrinsic wholeness, and see ourselves as we truly are. In Psychosynthesis, we call this the journey of the soul.

About Jodieas-seen-in-december-16-pink

Sydney Soul-Centred Psychotherapist + Eating Psychology Specialist, Jodie Gale, is a leading specialist in women’s emotional, psychological and spiritual health and well-being. Over the last 20 years, Jodie has helped 100s of women to transform their lives. She has a private counselling, life-coaching and psychotherapy practice in Manly, Allambie Heights and Frenchs Forest on the Northern Beaches of Sydney. Jodie is passionate about putting the soul back into therapy!

 

Let your light shine and live the life you have always dreamed of! Contact me now to book your first appointment.